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Little Murder Never Hurt Anybody, A

  • Ron Bernas
  • Full Length Play, Comedy, Contemporary
  • 4M, 2F
  • ISBN: 9780573670381

A delightful surprise...an evening of fun just on the proper side of slapstick.

Lansing State Journal

  • Full Length Play
  • Comedy
  • 105 minutes

  • Time Period: Contemporary
  • Target Audience: Teen (Age 14 - 18), Adult
  • Set Requirements: Unit Set/Multiple Settings
  • Cautions: Alcohol, Mild Adult Themes

  • Performance Group:
  • Shoestring Budget, Community Theatre, Dinner Theatre, High School/Secondary

  • Accolades:
  • Winner! Community Theatre Association of Michigan New Plays Competition
This six-character comedy is a spoof of and love letter to the screwball comedies of the 1930s and to stage mysteries in general. It is a one-set, two-act piece featuring witty dialogue and slapstick comedy.

The play opens with the rich, bored Matthew promising to kill his rich, bored wife Julia so he can become a jet setter like his friend who recently lost his wife. Julia, who's always about three steps ahead of him, plays along. And so the game begins - a hilarious year-long match of wits and the witless.

During the year the play takes place, there are several mysterious deaths that occur on the grounds of the family estate, a butler who is not what he seems, a detective who can't buy a clue, and two innocents (sort of) caught in the hilarity as they plan their wedding. While Julia cleverly dodges Matthew's devious murder attempts, the Perry friends and staff are dying off mysteriously. It seems Matthew is successful in murdering everyone but Julia.

As the bodies fall, dim-witted daughter Bunny contemplates calling off her wedding to unwitting Donald since all the intended gift-bearing guests are dying. Enter Detective Plotnik - a Sam Spade reincarnation who suspects everyone, but hasn't a clue. That is, not until Donald stumbles upon Julia and gentlemanly butler Buttram in what Donald mistakenly perceives as a compromising situation. Donald jumps to the conclusion that Julia is the murderer - trying to murder Matthew!  It ends in a nice bang and with a bit of a message about the importance of love.

REVIEWS:

A delightful surprise...an evening of fun just on the proper side of slapstick.

Lansing State Journal

Comedy packs laughs...a delightful play...a medley of laughs...the play has charm, and is really funny.

News-Herald, Southgate, MI
Premiere Production: This play won the Michigan Playwriting Competition and was first performed in 1991 by Grosse Pointe Theatre, Michigan's premiere community theater.
  • Casting: 4M, 2F
  • Casting Attributes: Ensemble cast, Parts for Senior Actors

  • MATTHEW PERRY - Mid-50s, a man who from birth has had more dollars than sense. He is facing a minor mid-life crisis.
  • BUTTRAM - 40s-50s, the family butler for many years, though convinced he is above being a butler -- at least for this family. He is given to crying jags, and harbors a terrible secret.
  • JULIA PERRY - Mid-50s, Matthew's wife. A classy, intelligent woman who loves her husband despite his many faults -- and is always a step ahead of him.
  • BUNNY PERRY - Mid 20s, Matthew and Julia's sweet, but dim-witted and deeply shallow daughter.
  • DONALD - Mid-20s, Bunny's fiancĂ©. He is very earnest, and very much in love with Bunny, despite her lack of savvy.
  • PLOTNIK - 30s-50s, a witless detective. He was born 40 years too late, and read too many Dashiell Hammett novels. (Yes, he can read, sort of.) He fancies himself a cynical gumshoe, but lacks to savvy to locate, let alone solve, a crime.
  • Name Price
    Little Murder Never Hurt Anybody, A Script Order Now

    This six-character comedy is a spoof of and love letter to the screwball comedies of the 1930s and to stage mysteries in general. It is a one-set, two-act piece featuring witty dialogue and slapstick comedy. The play opens with the rich, bored Matthew promising to kill his rich, bored wife Julia so he can become a jet setter like his friend who recently lost his wife. Julia, who's always about three steps ahead of him, plays along. And so the game begins - a hilarious year-long match of wits and the witless. During the year the play takes place, there are several mysterious deaths that occur on the grounds of the family estate, a butler who is not what he seems, a detective who can't buy a clue, and two innocents (sort of) caught in the hilarity as they plan their wedding. While Julia cleverly dodges Matthew's devious murder attempts, the Perry friends and staff are dying off mysteriously. It seems Matthew is successful in murdering everyone but Julia. As the bodies fall, dim-witted daughter Bunny contemplates calling off her wedding to unwitting Donald since all the intended gift-bearing guests are dying. Enter Detective Plotnik - a Sam Spade reincarnation who suspects everyone, but hasn't a clue. That is, not until Donald stumbles upon Julia and gentlemanly butler Buttram in what Donald mistakenly perceives as a compromising situation. Donald jumps to the conclusion that Julia is the murderer - trying to murder Matthew!  It ends in a nice bang and with a bit of a message about the importance of love.

    $24.95